when u sneeze in front of your pet and they look like you’ve just offended their great ancestors
lady gaga’s dog is wearing my college tuition around her neck
i want this engraved on my gravestone
this is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING.
Remember when justin timberlake was in Shrek
HOLLA MY ASS FUCK YOU
parents: "let’s talk about your future"
There are two types of people in the world: those who react to learning that you can use touch screens with your tongue with disgust and those who immediately go to lick their phones.
i’m gonna go ahead and assume that the reason this doesn’t have many notes is because you’re all too busy making out with your phones
i’m so glad this has taken off because
i was right